Fear

A couple of nights ago I woke up at 2:17 a.m. Thanks to digital chronometry I can now be aware of the exact minute I awake and exactly how long I remain awake, which for some strange reason seems to create insomnia not prevent it. So there I lay awake worrying about the strangest thing. I was listening to the heater fan turn on and off, mostly on it seemed since the temperatures have dropped below freezing. I remembered lying awake in the summer and hearing that same fan motor turning on and off with cooling. I Lay there thinking,"That stupid off brand contraption is going to wear itself out in no time and I'm going to have to come up with 10K to fix it. I don't have 10K or anywhere close to that. What am I going to do?"

Fear, it seems to have no boundaries, no particular focus, it comes and goes with almost anything we have to face in life. I've awakened in the night fearing Satan himself was going to drag me out of bed and into hell. I have found myself afraid during the early a.m. sleep shift of not knowing what to wear. Fear can attack anywhere, about anything, for any reason.

The nice thing for me is that it drew me into prayer. Who can face such obstacles as Satan or over productive furnaces apart from God? Who can face the fact that our lives hang daily in the balance between all kinds of arbitrary circumstances, situations over which we simply have no control.

It takes some time but eventually God has a way of calming our spirit and helping us get back to the place where we are able to sleep. I'm thankful for the interruption, and I'm thankful for the time alone with God. I understand why Jesus spent whole nights praying after and before busy days. I'm thankful for the reminder that I'm a very dependent being, completely dependent upon my Father in heaven for just about everything.

busy weekend

Here I am, preparing for Sunday's sermon. What I need is long quiet stretches of time to think and reflect on what I've been studying. I need a good nights sleep filled with enjoyable, forgettable dreams. What do I get? A long stressful meeting lasting long into the night. A short nights sleep as I wake up at 5:30 having gone to bed at 11:30. And today is filled with more stuff to do from last night. My mind is way too cluttered with all kinds of random and complex thoughts. I'm tired. I might make it till noon, if I'm lucky. And I have a long way to go before the magic hour of Sunday morning.

It is a busy weekend.